We’ve collected a list of tips for guys who are new to sugar daddy websites like Seeking Arrangement. Most of these comes from forums and we’ve added in some of our own tips and organized them by topics.
Since being launched over a decade ago Seeking Arrangement (SA) has become the leading sugar dating website, but most of the advice is aimed at women using it. We’ve collected a big list of tips from guys who have used the website successfully to save you time.
For guys, there’s no up-front costs, you can sign-up and start browsing profiles right away. You only need a membership once you want to start sending or reading messages.
- Start with a free account. You can upload pictures, profile, and favourite members, the only thing you can’t do is message anyone. Ladies can favourite and message you, so save your cash until you get some leads.
- Write a clear profile that tells people what you are looking for and not looking for, without coming off as creepy, angry or looking for a sex worker (skim ladies’ profiles and you’ll see a bunch that go out of the way to remind readers they’re not hookers). See this article for tips on writing a Seeking Arrangement profile.
- It’s free for females to join and message other members. They can be premium members which puts them up on the main page but they can pay by the week I think instead of monthly subs.
- For women, obviously their personal safety is pretty much their top concern, probably followed by being made to feel “cheep” anything you can do to show you care about their safety and feelings will go a long way in your favour.
- It’s all how you write your profile. Basically spell out exactly what you are looking for but watch the wording as SA will block it. While SA has changed its wording to discourage PPM/P2P arrangements, you can usually still basically say you are that you will do “allowance” per meet. Say they will have to do everything (within reason obviously) you want, if THEY agree, to contact you back, if not, don’t bother. This will weed out 80% of them.
- Avoid overly sexual language or talking money (that’s against Seeking Arrangement’s terms of service too)
- If you’re looking for sex then intimacy/intimate are the words to use, but keep it classy.
- Don’t mention money specifically, rather you want to help out or support someone. Also mention some of your other assets, many women are looking for help in getting their career started or looking for advice – show that you’re more than a wallet.
- Again, after five or six emails, offer them your email address in case they’re unable to log in to SA. Sometime offered a your phone number helps too, but suggest you use a burner phone app rather than your real phone number, as there’s a lot of spam bots who would love to harvest personal information like that.
- It’s probably a good idea to put a partial pic as a public face for your profile. If you are slim and not obviously horrific looking, a cropped pic of your lower face with a decent car or something will do wonders for your image… But only send full face pics once they have sent a pic to you with username and date on a piece of paper or something. Apparently there are wierdos who run fake profiles apparently just to get sugar daddy photos.
- My profile one is a clothed full body of me from the rear quarter so doesn’t show the face. Then a private one of me on holiday and my face is partially blurred by the sun ray/camera lens. I made sure to not use any photos I have on my social media in case any savvy lasses use tineye etc. My kik address got took down after 2 days but by then I’d already been contacted by a fair few. I’ve changed it to just say I’m on kik and so far it’s alright. Half a brain would search my SA handle for my kik name I’d guess.
- Pick a discrete profile picture. If you don’t want to show your face, take a photo where the flash partially obscures it, then when the girl mentions it, say you have trouble taking a photo without the flash being in the wrong place, and would they like to take one for you? Read more profile photo tips here.
- Some people recommend using a picture of someone who sort of looks like you (maybe a cousin or distant relative), this is against SA’s policies, but apparently this is being done.
Searching Seeking Arrangement
- From the Search menu you can select age, race, location, etc whatever you want to narrow the list down. Then tag ALL of them. They will see who did it and read your profile.
- In 2016, they added tagged searches, so you can “Don’t / Show Members Looking For” you can pick from a list of categories, for instance under “Don’t Show” you can screen out members looking for “Platonic” or under “Show” selected “Friends With Benefits” and “Discretion”
- My search radius when I was active was 25miles (50Km) and that would put me in range of girls neary cities, being a short train or bus ride for girls if they wanted to meet.
- With profile listed, those who are game will “favourite” and message you releasing additional photos they may have. Delete / hide the ones you don’t want. Now you have a list of SB ready to work with.
- Look through the ones you really want and start messaging to narrow down the details of the where / when / Most will meet for coffee and such so that gets you a chance to preview, no “allowance” needed. If things work out and you are not a slob, its pretty easy for the next step, or even a quick date right there and then.
- Yes, there are escorts on the site. You can usually tell by the language they use, the photos, and they’re sometimes very straightforward about “dates”
- There’s also a lot wanting online relationships. Put that in your profile that’s not what you’re looking for.
- Girls from all over the world view and favourite you…..they are all timewasters or cam girls.
- In the profile text search box use words such as: Intimate, Casual, NSA. while some girls will put “NSA”, others will say “no strings attached” or just “no strings”, so a search on the word “strings” can often pull up some interesting prospects. Note: this search option seems to have been removed in early 2018, use tagged searches instead.
- The terms “paypig” or “findom” that quite a few mention. It doesn’t exist IMO. I’ve a feeling it’s BS made up by SA PR people to get more girls enticed to the site. I think that’s mostly BS too as a couple of the girls I’ve seen have mentioned they’ve been offered tons of money just for txt and pics which they’ve turned down.
- Make your initial message polite. Don’t go both feet in with a messaging asking straight off if they want to have sex for some amount. The number of girls who have said they only replied to me because I was polite and didn’t make a weird request is 100% and try to make out you want to know them and you’re not just looking for pussy because, you know, they’re not escorts.
- When a girl contacts me, the messages either start with just a plain hi, or with something more substantial, eg, hi, i’m xxx, I’m interested in your profile, what are you looking for etc.
If the former, I assume that the girl is interested in my profile and wants to know more about myself, so i reply something along the lines of hi, thanks for looking at my profile/contacting me, what are you offering and what do you want. If the latter, I’m a bit more direct, I thank her for her interest and ask her how often she wants to meet, what she wants financially etc.
- After receiving a message, I’ve waited at least 30 minutes, usually longer, before replying. Again, no need to look too desperate by replying immediately. Before replying, I’ve looked at the girl’s profile and tailored my reply to suit (no pun intended). I usually ask if I’m what they are looking for, and explain i can only meet at certain times. No mention of expenses yet.
- I’ve found the thing to do is favourite the girls you like, then wait. Sometimes they contact you, sometimes they favourite you back in which case I contact them. Sometimes they do neither, in which case I leave it a day or two and then contact them. Usually those ones don’t reply, but it’s worth a shot.
- I always make sure I reference something in their profile in the first message so they know I’m paying attention to them and not just splashing out randomly.
- Several times, within the first few messages the girls have said “I’m looking for a pay-per-meet deal”, which is great. I’ve got one on the go that is looking for something more regular. Sometimes they string you along, one kept me going for a while with a promise of a pay-per-meet then said she wanted a social meeting first, and I had to pay the same amount for that one. Sorry luv, I’ve got loads of people I can meet socially without paying them, and the chances are you’ll decide to take the money and not see me again. Another kept me going for a long time before telling me she was only interested in online arrangements. Nope, not my thing.
- I’m told that things get even better later in the year. Students start each term planning to spend their money sensibly, but then various things come along and they end up running out. Sad for them, but it’s our gain!
- A huge proportion are scammers/timewasters and girls who just want to cam or do online arrangements on there. It only takes a msg or 2 to weed these out. Anyone who asks for money within the first couple of msgs from them are usually scammers and timewasters. There are numerous girls wanting an online relationship; swapping photos/videos etc. I’ve changed my profile to state that i’m not intersted in that type of arrangement, it’s meeting only
- No matter what they say find out in a general way what their financial needs are.
- When the subject of expenses does come up, I always ask what the girl is expecting. Often she’ll reply asking what I’m offering. I plead ignorance, saying that every girl has different expectations; if she wants my patronage, then she should name her price. I usually receive an offer of $200-300 (£150-£200) per meet. Bit vague, so I ask how long she wants to meet for. Sometimes it’s for two hours other times three or four, depending on the age of the girl and how rough they are! If she still refuses to give a price and wants me to make an offer, I ignore that request. Eventually she’ll give a price (only one girl flatly has refused to give me a price)
- Once you find out, state what you can offer per date without defining what a date is.
- If they agree to your per date amount… move to texting or email and let them know specifically what your expectations are for them to receive the agreed upon allowance.
- The trick is to get their phone number as soon as you sense a bite that they’d be up for what you want.
- Make your date or move to the next one.
Privacy and Scammers
- Get a burner phone. Even if you don’t, get an app like Burner or others. Remember these numbers can be tracked down if, say, police become involved, but it will protect you from scammers or people who become too attached. Keep in mind that real numbers can be usually traced back though Facebook and other social media.
- There are a lot of scammers out there just like AW. Simple rule as with any form of punting is not to part with any money till you’ve seen the goods face to face.
- If you’re not comfortable, don’t bring people to your home, use a hotel or other options like AirBnB.
- Look for profile warning signs.
- I had to do my fair share of homework trawling through various social profiles which I found on minimal clues as usual; I recommend everyone does this to weed out the scammers – start with the SA username and tineye on the photos.
- Any profile mentioning material possessions and Amazon wishlists is probably a no-no.
- If you’re meeting for someone for the first time, unless you’ve agreed to a “small gift” ($50 or so to show you’re serious), avoid giving it to her right at the start of the date, while it’s the exception, there are ladies who will disappear as soon as they get the money, usually with an excuse like going to the bathroom. If you are really against this, you could suggest that you don’t usually do an allowance on the first meeting, but your open to one if they’re open to things progressing (most people on SA are aware of intimacy being part of an arrangement).
- If you’re meeting someone at a place you’re not familiar with, make sure you check it on Google Maps at least, especially if someone suggests a hotel or private location – or better yet, make the first meeting public.
- If someone asks for money up front before meeting, tell them you don’t do that, offer to call and talk with them, most scammers won’t do that (maybe because they’re actually guys?)
- Don’t fall for the prepaid / sob story / medical / just friend / spiel. Never pay ahead.
- If you get one that pleads poverty and “can’t afford train ticket” but you think might be genuine offer to send them an e-ticket. I.e. Not the money. Should sort out the genuine ones.
- PayPal: If you DO send a girl money via Paypal, ALWAYS make sure you send it as goods/services. They will more than likely try to get you to send it Friends and Family – but if you do this and they do a runner with your cash you can’t put a claim in to Paypal to get it back!
- If you get one that pleads poverty and “can’t afford train ticket” but you think might be genuine offer to send them an e-ticket. I.e. Not the money. Should sort out the genuine ones
- According the forums, for the younger girls (18-23 year olds) your max should be $500 a meet, average around $300, older ladies think less, 28 to 40 years old are pretty sweet spot for a good deal. Don’t ask about an amount right away, “Pay Per Meet” is against the terms and conditions and can get your account flagged.
- Remember, once the money is out of your hand, it’s gone.
Where to Date
While most ladies are looking for more than just bedroom adventures when they decide to join a site like Seeking Arrangement, but like any other type of dating, there is a physical side to it.
- If you are uncomfortable bringing people home you have several options. The easiest way is of course a hotel. Ladies might also find it more comfortable from a safety point of view.
- Well you are giving the vibe of a wealthy sugar daddy. Booking a $60 travel lodge does not give the impression of a cash rich free-wheeler. Booking a decent hotel midweek is around $70-$90. And they generally have a bar area for the public meet up; Don’t book until I’ve seen in person.
- I’ve used a very nice dayuse hotel in Manchester for a few of my meets. £60 and you don’t pay till you check in. Can use it between 10-5. Meet in the bar for a drink, then go check in. Only thing you waste is time if she doesn’t turn up.
- AirBnB is a good choice as you can rent a room or a whole house for the price comparable to a hotel. The downsides is you have to book in advance. Some cities are restricting how rentals like AirBnB hosts can operate, so see if services like AirBnB are available in your city.
- Day hotels. Many hotels will rent during the day as well as nights, sometimes at much less than overnight rates, Several search engines can find and book these including: hotelsbyday.com, Dayuse.co.uk , between9and5.com This is a good option if you plan to meet up in the afternoons, 11am – 5pm is the typical “daytime”. If you’re in the area, you can also just drop in and ask rooms are available, sometimes you can get better rates than booking online.
Meeting at a Hotel
- I also point out that I don’t expect them to come straight to my hotel room, I’d prefer to meet in reception, thus giving the girl the chance to back out if I’m not what they’re looking for. Seems to put them more at ease.
Why not give it a try? For guys, there’s no up-front costs, you can sign-up and start browsing profiles right away. You only need a membership once you want to start sending or reading messages.
Note: most of these tips come from forums.